Seduction of a Married Man: Part 1

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Seduction of a Married Man: Part 1

Post  oldersister on Thu Feb 21, 2008 10:06 pm

Thursday, February 21, 2008
The Married Man / Single Woman Syndrome- Dating a Married Man and Losing Yourself in the Process

copyright by Ask Oldersister, 2008, www.oldersister.sampasite.com

So you are young, single, attractive and no doubt have many eligible men pursuing you. Be ready to cut my head off but I truly believe the problem with most these men is that if they aren't already married, there is probably something wrong with them. Experts claim that there are so many perfectly eligible single guys out there but have they dated any of these men they are piling into the eligible pool?

Here are some problems my "total package" friends and I have come across:

No manners (blatant stuff you just can't ignore….taking calls during your date, etc…)
Insensitive (my ex is crazy, you don't mind if I drink 5 beers at lunch, right?)
Baggage (I'm going through a custody battle right now, I have to live with my parents for the time being, it's only temporary)
Chauvinism ( You're not voting for Hillary, right? You're not one of those kinda women that…, etc….)
Egotism (Calling you all the time like YOU have nothing better to do than jump every time they call & GOD FORBID you may be smart and dating others!)
Unavailable ( I'm just waiting for the right person, I don't believe in marriage or won't do it again, I like to keep my options open, I'm a workaholic, etc…)
Casanova (I'm never attracted to anyone else when I'm in a relationship, you're so gorgeous it hurts, …I never cheat, do you? My last girlfriend did drugs, cheated, and used me…)
Desperate (they barely know you but know they want to be with you…I mean, you're great & you know it but the feeling you could probably have a ring on your finger in a month doesn't make you feel too special, does it?)
Selfish (talk most of the time, not really too concerned with your beliefs, your goals, your job, etc….these types assume whatever you think now will be converted later)

Sound familiar? After exhausting your time and energy treading water in that eligibility pool you begin to wonder if your standards are too high or if you've watched too many romance movies. You talk to your other friends and laugh about how you could write a book about all your common dating experiences and may even come to the conclusion that all these guys are just "immature" and maybe older men are the answer.



You find yourself at that point where you have no real motivation to continue treading water in the same pool and need some different results because you still have that glimmer of hope that what those experts say is true. Are you now cynical, bored, suspicious, and somewhat defeated? Your married friends might think so but more importantly, what you really are is ripe pickings for a married man.

Don't believe me? Here is how the scenario plays out: A married man who has become routine in his duties as a father, husband, and provider at some point decides he wants a little sexual excitement and his ego fed. It is impossible for his wife to provide him the same type of attention she once did and not even realistic (the demands of kids, etc…).

If you are getting angry with me, good, keep reading!



However the two of you come across one another, it is almost going to be an instant attraction and that surreal feeling like you really "understand each other".

Is this feeling real? Yes, and it's intense!

Would you feel this way if he weren't married and appropriate for you? NO! (I'll explain later)

The script unfolds predictably where you become a special friend and the two of you have harmless lunches, coffee, etc… At this point you may be asking your friends what they think because nothing physical has happened. It's really simple. This is stage one of the seduction process. How are you seducing one another?

He listens to every word you say, is a gentleman, pays for everything, considers your feelings, believes in you and your goals, compliments you, loves that your smart and feisty, seems in awe that you are spending time with him, and respects your time and what you have to say. In other words, here is a man that seems to RECOGNIZE YOUR WORTH.

You are in awe of him for his dedication to his career accomplishments, his kids, and maybe even his wife. You respect him for the sacrifices he has made and you really listen to him and express your admiration. You are probably even more open and flirtatious with this man because it has a great affect on him and he doesn't react with desperation/eagerness. For him, here is a woman that FEEDS HIS EGO and is SEXUALLY STIMULATING.



This is when the stage is set for an affair. You can't deny that the physical tension is building and your desire to become closer to this person is very strong. You feel very empowered by the effect you have on him like you have a life raft with his name on it and you could throw it out to him or pull it back at will. And this man isn't going to just spend his time or be attracted to anyone. He is discriminating.

I'm going to interrupt this chemistry-induced soul-mate experience and explain what is really going on here:



We have already established how each of you were vulnerable to each other in the first place. You were treading water in a pool of emotionally crippled men and to keep from stagnating, you stuck to your standards and refused to settle. You are a strong woman and are determined to face reality and have come to the realization that reality ain't so pretty.

And, no, there is nothing wrong/unrealistic/cynical with you or your view on things but this will change.

He was treading water in his daily routine and probably came to acknowledge or even resolved himself to the fact that this was probably the best it was going to get. I'm giving this guy (because he is an exception, right?) the benefit of the doubt. However, it is far more likely his routine includes dipping into the pool of attractive, smart, single women like you who are more emotionally mature and won't settle for those cripples. This is important because in that specific pool he is dipping into are women that will RECOGNIZE HIS WORTH.

The other pool of women are either too old, married, ……or emotionally immature (single, very young, attractive) and cannot give him the required emotional, intellectual, and physical energy that you will soon be providing.

His beliefs, views, feelings (unlike yours) on life will not be changing but you are not aware of this yet because you're too busy feeling empowered right now.



to be continued....
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