single mothers

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single mothers

Post  lenor88 on Tue Feb 19, 2008 4:46 am

Hi,

I heard something at work that up to this day, still has me a little mad....Thats why I think we should hire men only, you women always have to take time off to tend to the children!! Can you believe that. I don't understand why some men think like that. I don't see/hear many men saying, Don't worrying Ill go home a take care of our sick child.
How should I respond to something like that??

Please advise,
frustrated

lenor88
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women in the workplace

Post  oldersister on Tue Feb 19, 2008 7:42 pm

frustrated,

That's called discrimination in the workforce and is a big NO-NO which could mean major consequences (including job loss) to whoever made that comment, especially if he is your superior. I work with a lot of strong women so that behavior wouldn't be tolerated meaning there would be a report made to HR so fast that guy's head would spin and he would be an outcast in our office. I also chose to work in that environment so I wouldn't have to but I understand sometimes we need our job b/c of limited opportunities/lack of skills, etc...and that's a good motivator to improve skills to find something better. You absolutely should not respond directly to that stupid comment.
I don't know the work environment you are in so I don't know if you would be supported or not or even how strongly you feel about standing up for your principals - that is a decision you have to make and live with. If the company doesn't do anything about it, that's grounds for a discrimination lawsuit. Regardless of what you do, at least document everything- If you don't, you need to be real honest with yourself about your reaction to this situation and admit to yourself that you take a very passive role in your life and that you allow others to determine how you think, feel, and act by your own inaction. If you don't go to HR, at least by documenting the incident, you are proving to yourself that you cover your bases for the future and find this intolerable and unacceptable. By documenting the incident(s), you are also providing legal evidence to support YOU- no one else can do this for you. The guy that said that to you in contrast, was not protecting himself and leaving himself open to a lot of damage, what an idiot! He must feel pretty confident that you won't do anything!
He pulled a power play on you and he has established his dominance. Documenting will empower you and so will your body language. A few tips on body language: never lower your head when you walk by him and look directly at him for at least a second to show you are not submissive, speak in a deliberate even tone (no high pitch) when addressing him. Watch the personal space- when a man moves into your personal space physically, it is important not to step back- hold your own territory (this is big!!). These body language tactics may be a problem or seen as confrontational in some cultures but they are crucial for success in the working world and it's how men interract with each other (body language is about 90% of communication, by the way). How you carry yourself is going to be a big indicator of your future success. You can be quietly assertive and have a lot of power.
Why do some men think like that? Because they are threatened and insecure and most importantly, there are women out there that let them, meaning, women have sex with these men! If they didn't, these guys would do a 180 degree change in beliefs.
More importantly for you, pick a man to have kids with that will stay home with the kids when they are sick (alternate staying home) - there are lots of them out there!

Jessica

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