Interracial Relationships

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Interracial Relationships

Post  Vera on Tue Feb 19, 2008 4:24 am

Hi ,
Im having concerns about interracial relationshiops ? Would you be able to provide me with Information regarding the issue ? Thank you - V

Vera
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Interracial relationships

Post  Ask Olde on Tue Feb 19, 2008 4:26 am

Vera,

You will never be able to stop judgement/ criticism (public) directed at you whether you're in a interracial relationship or anything else you do in life (what shoes you wear to how you raise your kids) but you can change how you or you and your partner internalize and react to it. Building a stable self image and a stable marriage are the things you do have control over.
Starting with ANY marriage in general, research has shown that the most stable marriages have common elements:
Similar levels of intelligence, same values, intimacy, common interests and expectations about roles in the marriage
Research shows that the differences that spell potential trouble in a marriage are: energy levels (one person wants to lounge around all day while the other always needs to be on the go/ also sex drive), personal habits, use of money, character disorders, and different communication styles (how you argue is a big one).
As you can see, stable marriages are more about similarities than opposites. But... now days, it is very difficult to find someone whose values are so close to our own, interracial or not, because it's not Little House on the Prairie anymore where everyone goes to the same church, school, and is exposed to the same value systems. Marital expectations were pretty cut and dry then.
My personal opinion about your interracial situation is that it is more in your favor you being hispanic as a female than if the situation were reversed: hispanic male/black female only because culturally black women in America are usually brought up to be head of their households and more assertive which could be in conflict with how hispanic males are raised. This would just take more work for that couple is all. It's not really about skin color but about our expectations, values and family.
There is a great book you could either read at the library or at the bookstore called "Finding the Love of Your Life" by Neil Clark Warren that has some great information on all this. Also, - has a wealth of information if you look through the sight- there is a policy of joint agreement that outlines how you will deal with outside influences (family boundaries, etc) as a couple. It's all free.
I would encourage you not to look at race and focus more on how what parts of your culture are important to you and him and decide as a couple how you will deal with critisism in a way that will protect your partnership and each other.
Hope that helps!
Ask oldersister

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